


Empty Spaces

by Heavydirtys0ul, things-we-used-tc-share (Heavydirtys0ul)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Human AU, M/M, Remile is background, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:42:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27943217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavydirtys0ul/pseuds/Heavydirtys0ul, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavydirtys0ul/pseuds/things-we-used-tc-share
Summary: At the age of 16, every person wakes up feeling their soulmates emotions alongside their own. Scientists are unsure whether this is an evolutionary tactic or divine intervention, but most soulmates are twinned in the same general vicinity and don’t move away until they’ve found their ‘other half’.Roman and Remus have spent their entire lives by each other’s side, and are ready for their next adventure; university. Remus is more than determined and ready to meet his soulmate, whereas Roman has to unlearn much of his upbringing before he’s ready to meet his own. Still, only fate really decides, right?
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	1. Part A: Calming a Storm

Roman and Remus could not be less alike if they tried; born on the same day, a mere hour apart, the two had somewhat sculpted their own personalities through trial and error, and ended up as different as the day is to the night. Roman, the eldest, and a whole inch taller has spent most of his life being the golden child, the one who got put on a pedestal, the one who was “going to go far”. It was something that he resented to some extent; not just because the pressure was back-breaking, but also he hardly thought it was fair, how his parents treated Remus. 

Remus was always the one who managed to get into trouble. All throughout their lives, Roman was pulling him out of fistfights and confrontations and being pulled into classrooms to see if he could have “a word” with his brother about his attitude. That too, felt unfair to Roman, that not only did he have to sort out his own life but his twin’s as well. 

Still, he understood why Remus was acting out, he would too if he wasn’t under so much scrutiny all of the damn time. Their parents aren’t exactly kindly people and they don’t treat Remus with so much as the time of day, sometimes Roman gets secondhand heartache just watching it. They were the sort of people who believed that book smarts came before emotional intelligence, that the heart is a wasted thing, they could afford to believe that too…after all, they’re married and have enough money not to love a day in their lives. 

The younger twin is actually very intelligent, he just vehemently hates school; he hates authority, he hates teachers, and he hates the scrawny little snot-nosed children that even attempt to pick on him. Everyone in this school is just another bully and he has enough of those at home. 

Still, it is what it is. 

It comes as no surprise then, that their parents hadn’t told them about soulmates, or that their parents were soulmates, or that most people in the world have soulmates. It was their teacher that told them about this, who informed them at the ripe age of 15 that they will wake up on their 16th birthday with emotions that are not their own. “Soulmates can feel what each other are feeling,” He informs the class, as Remus slowly sits up a little straighter, looking horrified “This way they always know if the other is hurt or in danger, so they can come to their aid,”

“How do we…find them?” Roman had asked, quiet and looking more furious than his brother had ever seen. “What if we don’t find them? Do we simply spend forever feeling their agony with no way of saving them?”

“Most soulmates are in a nearby area, it’s unclear why as there are still so many ongoing investigations into the science of soulmates…” Roman tuned the rest of his words out, jaw clenched. 

Remus had got sent home that day for smashing a bathroom mirror to shreds, Roman hadn’t blamed him. In a few months, the two of them are going to have entire feelings that aren’t their own and their parents hadn’t even thought to tell them? Do they really think that they’d be able to handle something like that mere months beforehand? That’s almost no time to prepare. 

When he gets home, Remus had bandaged up his hands, his cheeks are red and his eyes look a little swollen like he’d been crying. “I’m exhausted with this fucking house,” He mutters, staring at the surface of a black coffee with a drained shake his head. “Sick of them, sick of you, sick of this bullshit,” With a shake of his head, he slides a cigarette in his mouth, standing up with a scrape of his chair “Do you want a cigarette?” Roman had never smoked a day in his life, but he said yes anyway because if there was any good time to get dependency issues, it was now. “How are you feeling about all this?”

“Shit,” The reply has the younger twin snorting, the two of them sitting on the back porch, lighting up cigarettes and sharing a cup of black coffee. Roman rests his head on the bannister to the stairs that lead out into the garden, inhaling with a startled cough. “That tastes disgusting,” 

“What did you expect cancer to taste like?” Remus replies, he looks amused, shaking his head. “Cotten candy? Cookies? No, it tastes worse than ass, Roman,” 

“Then why smoke them?” He takes another drag, it burns and his eyes sting so he coughs yet again, nose scrunching up in displeasure; his head feels like it’s ringing. The answer is mainly, of course, that Remus is the most self-destructive person he could ever dream of meeting, no more or less than that, and although he worries for his brother he also knows that there’s no real way of changing that. The damage had already been done to him. 

“I guess I like the burn,” Remus replies, and it only confirms what Roman had already thought. 

–

On their sixteenth birthday, Roman wakes up feeling emptier than he ever had. A cold feeling washes over him and he sits up straight, shivering. His hands are his hands, he stares at them for familiarity, but his heart…it feels empty, a hollow opening in between his rib cage and nothing more.

Then he feels a panic attack, and he has one. 

Roman trips his way to Remus’ room, hammering on the door, and the younger opens it with a look on his face that says he’s not exactly feeling much better either. Nevertheless, the tears streaming down Roman’s face says everything he needs too as he yanks the other into his own room before he parents can see the mess he’s currently in and berate him for it. 

“Breathe, bro, you need to breathe,” Remus sits Roman down as the elder hears the words but they seem to bounce around his head and never settles, he gasps inward, and then outward, stuttering between a steady breath as he grips ahold of Remus’ shoulder so tightly that his nails dig into the other’s pale skin. “Roman, look at me, look,” He clicks his fingers and grabs the other’s attention. His eyes are vacant in some strange way. “Breathe with me okay? In…and out…good…in…and…out,” 

Neither of them knows how long it took to calm Roman down, but he practically passed straight back out the moment he’d managed that. “First panic attack then,” Remus chuckles, tucking his brother into his own bed. 

The younger twin stands very still then, his fingers pressing underneath his own vest to where his heart is thudding lowly in his chest. He takes a deep breath in himself and closes his eyes. Remus can feel emotions that are not his own, the mind too calm and not nearly scrambled enough to be his own, deep breaths rattle his chest as he feels a warm wave of worry drench him; not his own, but for him. 

And for once in his life, Remus feels safe. 

–

“Alright first day of university what we got?” Remus shouts up the stairs, Roman appears over the edge, grinning. 

“Freshers!” He shouts down to the other, who whoops and cheers, sprinting up as fast as his long legs could carry him. The two of them had, unsurprisingly, done extremely well with their education, Remus mostly out of spite and also because he can, and Roman because he worked tirelessly until he could barely sleep. 

Which led to university. Roman is studying web design, whilst Remus is trying his mark at Performing Arts (his parents hated both of those choices equally, but they had since decided that they both don’t really care, from here on out their lives are for themselves and themselves alone). The brothers opted to share the same dorm, which had been a surprising choice for both themselves, their parents and whoever had to process that application. 

“Hey maybe we’ll find our soulmates here,” Remus commented with a hum, drifting into the shared kitchen and living room to pour himself some whiskey at 12 in the afternoon. “I feel like I’ve been waiting forever,” Roman shares the sentiment but at the same time, he is not exactly sure how he feels about his soulmate. Over time he had got used to the very short bursts of happiness and sadness, but otherwise very tranquil nothing. Whoever this person is, they are not someone who is very emotional…or very anything at all. 

Remus had described his soulmates’ feelings to him. “He’s very mellow,” He’d started with a hum “That’s how I can tell they’re not mine, he doesn’t feel things quickly or all at once, it’s just a calm sense of happiness that lasts for hours, or a gentle sadness that he seems to wallow in,” He smiled a little; Roman didn’t know what love looked like really, but he’s fairly certain the only calm Remus had ever felt is pretty damn close to it. 

Still, all that aside he hopes Remus at least will get to meet his soulmate. People describe their first interactions with their soulmates as something wholesome, like you’ve found the last piece to a 1000 piece puzzle, the euphoria is not overwhelming, but it is right, it is complete. Roman doesn’t really feel like he’s missing a part of himself in the first place, and he also thinks you’re capable of being a whole without love; yet, even someone like him who had grown up buried in textbooks knows that this will be an adventure like no other. 

He also thinks Remus is hoping whoever the love of his life will be, he’ll help the reckless younger man cause as much trouble as humanly possible (Roman actively cannot wait to see that, genuinely, if anyone can make Remus worse he’ll offer them a medal personally). 

More of their roommates appeared; there are four others in total, two of them soulmates; an overly caffeinated young man named Remy whose first question is “Does anyone mind if I vape here?” (he then does not wait for an answer and proceeds to do so) and a taller, almost lanky young man who is wearing a cardigan and a long skirt, both with an awful lot of flowers on them, named Emile. The other two don’t give their names, they just grunt a hello and lock themselves in their room. 

Remy drinks with Roman and Remus that night, chatting about his life and the future, all whilst leaning his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder with the most sickly-sweet expression on his face. The more he drinks, the more tired and in love he seems to get. The twins do wonder if anyone will ever look at them like that, they really hope so.

At the end of the night, they all drag themselves to their own beds, well, except Remy, who drags himself to Emile’s bed to fall fast asleep, face-first in his fiancee’s bed; which Roman thinks is cute, and Emile thinks is a pain in the ass (which he states rather fondly to the twins with a shake of his head, before bidding them goodnight to try and shovel his boyfriend a little closer to the wall). 

It’s a new chapter in their lives, one that should bring so much excitement. For Remus, he stares at the ceiling of his new life, watching the darkness shrink against the ceiling. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in, wondering if his soulmate can feel the jumpy excitement in his heart that’s preventing his sleep. He smiles when he feels something warm and calm, something that he’d long since established was his soulmate’s emotion for “Yes, I feel you.” He doesn’t sleep much that night, too excited for the life to come, too full of emotions to even think about falling into his dreams. 

Roman, however, feels tired. He closes his eyes and feels the jump of his heart between his ribs; somewhere, his soulmate is feeling a jolt of excitement, something quick and bubbly. He smiles a little, happy for them, wherever or whoever they may be; but to him, this person, this part of his soul feels…distant, a stranger. He envies Remus who just connected to his soulmate so easily, who loved them like an old friend; someone who he does not know but loves unconditionally.

Maybe their upbringing had simply affected them in different ways. Remus has no qualms being in love, he has no issue making connections with people but first, they have to connect with him. He refuses to change for his family nor his peers, but Roman…Roman has changed shape to fit in so many times he barely knows what he looks like anymore.

So maybe it’s for the best that he doesn’t meet his soulmate yet, he doesn’t want more pieces to the puzzle when he barely knows what the picture looks like. Hell, he’s still finding the corner pieces. Roman closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, whatever happens, should he meet his soulmate, he knows that he is not going to have that instant experience that others describe. It’s going to take a lot more than fate for him to simply fall in love.


	2. Chapter 2

The hum of music vibrates through three floors of the dorms, loud and echoing through the empty hallways of the floors above, whilst half the halls cram into one common area. It isn’t a large space, yet hundreds of people seem to be filling it like sardines packed into a tin. Still, they didn’t seem to mind either, too drunk or too high on the music to really care about the bodies pushing against each other.

Roman has made himself at home on a bean bag, his knees tucked up to his chest to avoid getting trampled on as he drinks from a bottle of cider. Despite the awkward position, he is laughing, watching Remy clamber up onto the windowsill to avoid the same fate that Roman had already narrowly escaped. Emile had long since tucked himself into a corner, his expression incredulous but exuberated, as he shook his head at his friends from his own little safe house.

Remus is the life of the party, hardly any surprise really, he’d already out-drunk six people and collected around $50 in cash for that endeavour, whilst pouring himself more shots. Roman can’t find it in him to truly be upset with his brother (even though the alcohol content of these drinks might actually kill him), because Roman can’t remember the last time he looked so…ecstatic. Dancing between and with people, his smile almost able to crack his face. Remy leans back from his position on the windowsill, drinking a jaeger bomb much slower than intended for the drink, to shout down at Roman “Dear fuck he’s got energy,” Roman nods in response, grinning over at his brother. 

“You know if you want to go you can,” Emile shouts from the corner beside where Roman has curled up into a bean bag ball. “You don’t have to babysit him,” Roman snorts a little, and drinks again, shaking his head. Not having to babysit Remus would be a job he’d like to take, but unfortunately his entire life he’s been a third parent to this hurricane of a man, it’s not so simple to just stop now.

Still, he is getting tired, and it’s getting late. He doesn’t have class tomorrow but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel the effects of being up much later than usual. Roman yawns and sighs. Maybe it is time for Remus to learn how to manage himself, but can he really just let the other go off and do as he pleases alone? Can his brother just learn like that, that Roman can’t always be there to pull him out of the dangerous situations he gets himself into? He doubts it, and his mind conjures up the worst images it can until he talks himself into staying longer. “You two can go ahead, I’m enjoying the free drinks,” The elder twin plasters on a wide grin, lying through his teeth. 

Emile quirks his eyebrows a little “Alright, see you tomorrow Roman,” The taller seems to find it easier to wade through the crowd, Remy grips onto his fiancee like he’s some sort of lighthouse pulling him through rough seas. Roman can hear him complaining about spilling his drink even over the music, he snorts and stretches a little pulling himself up from his beanbag to go and grab himself another drink.

Remus, meanwhile, slides through the crowds of bodies, glancing left and right as he tries to grab some air for a moment, filing himself out to the much less crowded hallway with a deep breath in. He leans his head against the wall and takes a sip of the much less heavy gin and tonic in his hand. He doesn’t know how many different types of alcohol he’d drank tonight, his stomach is not enjoying it either way. 

“You look pale,” A snort comes from the side of him, and the ebony-haired man glances up through his hair and lined eyes to see a man surveying him with raised eyebrows. Under normal circumstances, upon meeting a tall blonde with tan skin and some rather pretty scars on his face, Remus would have hopped straight into flirting mode. However, his stomach takes that exact moment to lurch and he drops his drink to cover his mouth. “Did you come with someone? Should I find them for you? You look like you’re about to hit the ground,” Remus stares at the other man, as if searching him for ill intent, he’s too drunk to tell. 

“My brother, Roman, looks exactly like me but without the beard and moustache,” His stomach lurches again “Also he’s ginger.”

The stranger nods and peers into the room, searching, then he disappears into the crowd. Remus sinks down the wall and rests his head on his knees, breathing unevenly. He can feel his own emotions, rapid panic and uncoordinated sickness, then he feels his soulmates too, soothing and cautious and worried in response to his feelings. He wishes he could tell them he’s okay, he’s just drunk, he’ll be fine once he’s emptied his guts into a toilet bowl. 

Honestly, he’s thanking the stars for his brother’s wildly noticeable hair at this point, as the stranger returns with the other man fairly quickly, Remus offers a peaky smile, he knows he should say sorry but he doesn’t. Roman sighs but doesn’t berate him, the younger twin thinks that maybe his brother just really doesn’t want to be their father, as he and the stranger each offer him a hand to help him to his feet. He takes his brother’s hand in one, it’s warm and familiar and steady the way it had been their entire lives. But then he takes the blonde man’s hand.

The shock that went through him has him recoiling, but he doesn’t let go, his eyes going wide as the burned skin of the other’s hand glows lightly, as does his own, and that light seems to tremble through their veins slowly. Remus lets go quickly, turns his head, and throws up on the ground. 

His soulmate laughs, shaking his head. “Fair enough,” He offers his hand again and the two pull him to his feet. Roman stands awkwardly as he shifts from one foot to the other “Should I…go?”

“Please do, I can _totally_ carry him all the way to his room by myself, it’s not like I don’t have the capability to carry him or anything,” Roman rolls his eyes at the sarcasm he’s handed, although some part of his mind goes _‘oh great, they’re **perfect** for each other.’_ Remus grins but it’s tired and dazed as he leans onto the two men as they help him up the stairs towards his dorms. With each step, he seems to get more and more tired. 

“Should we be taking him to the hospital, he drank a lot?” 

“I don’t know, it’s best to keep an eye on him, I don’t think he can afford the hospital wearing jeans like that,” Roman snorts at the stranger’s tone, glancing down at Remus’ jeans that are more rip than jeans (“It’s a fashion statement!” he’d say if he had the headspace for anything but being sick and then passing out). 

The moment that Remus is in bed, he passes straight out; Roman closes the bedroom door quietly behind him and sighs softly, looking over at the newcomer. “Well, that’s Remus, how are you feeling about that?” The stranger grins in response, shaking his head.

“Not at all surprised.” He leans against the wall beside the closed door of Remus’ bedroom. “I know what and how he feels and have for years, the inside of his emotions is like trying to breathe underwater.” Roman nods slowly, looking down at the ground for a moment. “I should probably get going, I’d hate to impose much longer than I should.”

“Not at all,” Roman smiles and tilts his head towards the kitchen “Remus has been excited to meet you for a long time, and honestly if he trusts you then so do I, even if I regard you as a complete stranger…may I interest you in a hot cup of tea before you disappear, at least? Seems only fair.”

The blond pauses for a second, his hands digging into the pockets of his jeans before he nods in acceptance “Okay, yeah, sure.”

“So what’s your name?”

“Janus, Janus Flint.”

–

By the time Remus wakes up, he finds the sun is too bright and the room is vibrating, and he’s fairly sure he can taste colours as he opens his bedroom door and winces at the weight of his own muscles. Drowsiness echoes in every move he takes as he traipses towards the kitchen to pour himself some juice and cereal, Roman is already in there, flicking through the pages of a textbook but not really reading it. His body is going through the actions but his stare is vacant.

“Are you alright?” The redhead startles a little at the voice, having not heard the approaching footsteps as he stays trapped in a world of his own creation. Roman doesn’t speak for a moment before he gives a small smile that looks far too tight and forced to be entirely happy. 

“Janus left his number for you,” he pushes a napkin towards the other “I suppose you’ll want to be meeting him under circumstances that don’t involve alcohol poisoning.” Remus knows his brother is dodging the question which makes the answer rather clear, but that’s just Roman, buried underneath all of his emotions that he seems to refuse to let Remus see. Still, he takes the napkin and stares at the ink stark against the white tissue; his thumb brushes over it and there’s a euphoria he cannot shake, burning in the base of his heart. 

“I would like too,” he replies simply, his dark hair mussed from sleep as he pushes it out of his eyes. “All I can really remember were the scars, and that he was pretty.”

“He was,” Roman sighed softly, nodding his head, and for a moment he does look content if nothing else. “I’m happy for you,” and Remus knows that isn’t a lie either. 


	3. Chapter 3

Remus and Janus get on like a house on fire. 

He called the number left on the napkin, and that afternoon he met his soulmate in a state much better than half passed out in his own puke. 

He remembers meeting him, he remembers feeling nervous for the first time in his life, his heart hammering in his chest and the other man’s responding feeling of calm, reducing that anxiety the way he has for years now. Remus remembers them sitting down for a coffee and tucking a strand of his hair behind his ears and talking for what felt like forever and no time at all. That’s when Janus uttered those words “I have a boyfriend,” Remus’ eyebrows furrowed, and his shoulders sagged. “I love him a lot, even though he isn’t my soulmate.” 

“I see…so…you won’t want to be with me?”

“Don’t be stupid _of course_ I want to be with you, it’s whether or not you want to be with me, knowing that I can’t…leave him, I love him so much, Remus please understand, he isn’t and was never something to pass my time; he’s been with me for a couple of years now and every day was filled with anxiety that I’d find my soulmate and no longer love him…but I still love him the same way I have loved you all these years.” 

Remus digested that information quickly, leaning back in his chair to mull it over before shrugging. “Okay, I get it,” Janus paused for a second, scanning his face for any discomfort, but there’s not much point because he feels the way Remus feels, the slight flutter of longing…but there’s no sadness. Remus has waited for too long for this moment to let something as simple as another love break his spirit, besides, as far as he’s concerned the more the merrier. 

“Thank you,” Janus replies, but he doesn’t _quite_ know what he’s thankful for, no matter Remus’ emotions they would have been valid, but there’s this years-long relief that finally breaks over him and he doesn’t know what else to say except those two words. Remus holds his hand and smiles at him the way someone who couldn’t remember the last time they _genuinely_ felt this happy smiles, a little nervously but with such joy that it can’t be disputed. 

After their coffee date, they walk through the campus to Remus’ room, the two of them chattering and laughing as though they’d known each other their whole lives and this wasn’t the first (of many) coherent conversation they’d had together. The two lean against the railing of the steps that lead up into the dorms, talking animatedly; or at least, Remus is talking the way he always talks, trailing thought after thought quickly and rarely pausing for a second of breath. The blond just watches him with a small smile on his lips, watching the way he gestures and talks until all the sound that left the brunet’s lips weren’t exactly words, but still one of the nicest sounds he’s ever been privileged enough to hear. 

He kisses him because it feels right, leaning up off the railing and cupping the other’s jaw between his hands, a smile on his lips that seems eternally grateful to have been given this disaster of a man. Remus falls quiet, smiling as one of his hands come up to rest over Janus’, eyes closing as he sinks into the touch and then the gentlest feel of lips on his own. It feels so soft, so gentle, nothing like Remus had ever experienced in his life; his heart stammers in his chest and he falters in his own breathing. 

Janus tries to pull away but he’s only pulled back, not harder or faster but the longing of those soft kisses that Remus has never in his life felt before, the touch of those calloused, scarred hands and the feather-light experience of calmness that they bring. 

He’d never expected love to feel this _calm_. 

Still, he inevitably has to say goodbye, no matter how much he doesn’t want too. Parting seems a hard feat, however, because those kisses really do not seem easy to let go of, he keeps catching the other’s hand in a plea for just one more, until they’re practically _giggling_ against each other’s lips. 

When Remus gets back to his flat, cheeks flushed and a skip in his step, he finds his brother at the kitchen table, feet up with a book placed open on his lap, his laptop next to a cup of coffee that looked to be more milk than anything else. “How did it go?” The elder of the twins looks up from his laptop, leaning back to pick up his cup of coffee and looking up at Remus with a smile. Remus grins and nods, before flopping down in an empty chair, shaking his head. 

“He’s perfect,” He sighs. Roman doesn’t think he’s ever seen the other man look lovestruck before, there’s nothing frantic in his expression, just an empty loveliness that tells Roman all he really needs to know about the situation; Remus’ soulmate was perfect for and to him. That’s nice, he thinks to himself, trying to ignore the way jealousy crawls up his spine like a serpent writhing its way up a tree. 

Remus hums, satisfied, and goes to make himself a cup of coffee, whilst Roman’s cup rests on the table once more, his gaze vacantly acknowledging the space where it had been rested as he closes his eyes and sighs hollowly. Perhaps jealousy isn’t the right word; he is, after all, far much happier for Remus than he is envious of him but more so than that, he’s a little frightened. His brother finding his soulmate means that he now has someone else in his life that can look after him, someone who might do so in a way that actually gives Remus the room to learn how to be more independent and cautious. Which means he probably won’t need Roman so much anymore; this should be good news, Roman finally can focus on himself and only himself. 

But he doesn’t really know how not to be a parent to Remus, just a normal brother who didn’t spend his entire life protecting the other man from himself and those around him. He isn’t sure how to adjust to that life at all. 

And then there’s the elephant in the room…his own soulmate. He still doesn’t know him at all really, and they don’t really communicate the way Remus and Janus have been doing for years. In fact, his soulmate tends to experience mostly annoyance and Roman is not entirely sure if that’s at his expense or not. It’s not like he has a way to ask, either. 

He tunes into Remus talking and shakes his head out of his own thoughts “Sorry…I zoned out, you were saying?”

“Janus has a boyfriend and he’s super cute, he showed me a picture of him…one sec let me get up his insta,” Roman blinked in surprise, a small sound escaping the back of his throat that seems to go unheard by the dark-haired man, before his expression softens into a small smile, trust Remus to take anything in his stride. A phone is thrust into his view with the image of a man with a round face and dirty blond curls, tied out of his face into a bun. “He..is cute, actually,” he hums “lucky Janus is stealing all the cute guys off campus.” 

“Awh, you think I’m cute!”

“Only when your mouth’s shut.” 

The two begin to bicker and Roman relaxes into the familiarity. Surely Remus wouldn’t just abandon him…right? He’s his brother, he wouldn’t leave him alone would he? Internally he shakes his head, no, he thinks to himself, Remus is ready to move on with his life and that’s a good thing, that doesn’t mean he will suddenly no longer be his brother. 

He soothes his own jealousy with a slight hint of relief, calming down from his internal panic long enough to notice that Remus does genuinely look happy. Not a manic-induced happy fused with alcohol, but just…happy and excitable, the way he had when they were kids, the pure sort of longing to experience the world that they’d lost in their upbringing. Roman wonders then, finally, if he’ll get the happiness back when he finally meets his own soulmate.


	4. Part B: Creating a Storm

It was a normal day, the sun shone outside and birds were singing; autumn was trying to settle into the world but the heat of summer still hadn’t died yet. Roman was wearing a long-sleeved white shirt because he really wants the crisp leaves to be falling a little heavier, but halfway through the day had seen him with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, sweltering by an open window. He looked outside at the way the trees blow in the wind, caught a single leaf blowing off of the branch, it made him smile.

And then he saw him, his eyes narrowed through wide-rimmed glasses as he stares at a piece of paper in his hand, stood in the centre of the pavement as people walked around him, chattering to each other. He was utterly alone, the wind carding through his close-cropped curls; Roman remembers every excruciating detail of the first second that he saw his soulmate. He didn’t know this man was his soulmate, he had just found himself staring at someone so utterly beautiful and oblivious to the world around him, looking a little lost and out of his depth that he excused himself from class with an unusually quiet voice. There was a pull in his chest that he couldn’t resist in any way, at the time he barely paid it any mind, put it down to curiosity despite the magnetic feeling that couldn’t have been normal.

By the time he got outside, the man was gone, but Roman followed the path around with a hurried step to see the other sat underneath a tree, the piece of paper now folded and being used as a bookmark. He felt strange, some part of him wondering if this is a little creepy, but worst comes to worst this beautiful man declines the invitation for coffee, and at best...well, that would remain to be seen wouldn’t it?

He swallows his nerves and approaches the man, standing before him with his hands cracking each other’s knuckles off the palm. Roman never forgets how to speak, but he’s sure he choked on his words before he’d managed to say anything at all in that second. The stranger looks up at him, his eyes full of that distant look that people give when they’re absorbed in a good book and are not particularly keen to return to the real world, but he smiles politely. “Do you like coffee?” Roman finally says, mentally punching himself right in the nose “I mean...sorry...my name is Roman, and you are?” he holds out his hand and he feels his heart jump in his chest but for a moment he thinks that wasn’t his heart jumping at all. 

“Logan,” the other man replies quietly, his expression a little nervous, but he reaches up to shake Roman’s hand. 

And that was the moment they both _knew_. For Roman it felt like it went in slow motion, the warm electric-like shock that crawls up his nerves and wraps around his body, his stomach jolts, his heart skips several beats and there’s a slight glow to their still-joined hands. They both let go after a moment. “I suppose the answer is going to be yes either way,” Logan finally says softly, but there’s a sad look on his face. “Are you busy in roughly two hours?”

“No, I finish class in an hour so...I can meet you in the cafe in the north building?” 

“That would be agreeable.” The beautiful man smiles, it’s not got much happiness in the expression; and like a wave crashing down Roman remembers why he wasn’t ready to meet his soulmate in the first place, that coldness, that still emotionless pool of feeling, without joy or light. He gets the feeling Logan, alluring as he may be, was not quite ready to meet him either. 

He awkwardly excuses himself to get back to class with a feeling that he can’t shake; he’d known before their hands had touched surely, he’s not got a habit of chasing after attractive strangers, so some part of himself must have known. Roman mentally kicked himself, wondering why he’d gone and got himself into this situation...he wasn’t ready, he _isn’t_ ready to have met his soulmate. 

His entire class is spent absently staring out of the window. He barely touches any of his work, exhaustion like nothing else he had ever experienced overcoming him. All the conversations in the class seem to melt, to the point that his classmate says his name four times before he finally registers he’s being spoken too.

Roman is almost relieved to get back to his flat, Remus is already there and he knows this before he enters because he’s laughing so loudly he can hear it from the steps five metres from their flat door. Janus is there too, drinking orange juice straight from the carton, talking much more quietly as he always does. Roman closes the door behind him and his brother calls down the hallway from the kitchen, asking if it’s him. He says it is, but his voice must have sounded more dejected than he’d thought because a worried expression peers through the door. 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost Ro,” the elder twin swallows dryly and open his mouth, before closing it again. It doesn’t register until there’s panic on Remus’ face that he’s crying; not big waterfalls of tears, but his cheeks are damp and when he blinks tears fall down. His throat feels dry very suddenly. 

“I met my soulmate today,” his voice cracks as he whispers. “I’m getting coffee with him in an hour.” 

“Then...why are you crying?” Janus appears next to Remus, an equally worried expression on his face. Although they _still_ do not know each other very well despite months of interaction, he appreciates his friend’s concern. 

“I’m terrified...I don’t think I should’ve met him, I don’t think I should go for this coffee, I don’t think I’m ready for a soulmate at all.” Silence fills the space between them, Roman is still stood by the front door like he wants to run far, far away from here. _Anywhere but here_. “It’s not like with you too...he still just feels like a complete stranger to me but I saw him and I just...I couldn’t walk away it was like my whole body was pulling me towards him.” 

“Yeah, that happens to some people,” Janus supplies helpfully “...it usually happens if the soulmates are purposefully trying to distance themselves from each other, whether they’re aware of it or not, your body is reacting against your feelings because the soul needs to be completed.” 

“That’s horrible,” Roman whispers “...this is all just fucked up; if I don’t _want_ to be with someone I should be allowed to _not_ be with someone.” He shakes his head and leans off the door, wiping his eyes. “Whatever, I have to get ready,” his bedroom door slams shut behind him and Remus flinches a little as it does so. 

“He’ll be alright,” Janus reassures his soulmate, wrapping his arms around him and pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “He just needs some time to figure things out,” Remus nods in agreement, but his expression can’t lie because Janus can feel how worried and upset he is, so he doesn’t bother plastering on a smile as he turns around in the other man’s arms to return the hug. 


End file.
